Blog 10- what it is

A friend of mine has adopted a phrase that I have been hearing a lot lately.  She says it quite frequently, and I find it troubling in its fatalism.  The phrase?  “It is what it is.”

Yes, certainly, it is.  But what does that mean?  Does it mean it has to stay that way?  That is what it seems.  Her husband is an alcoholic, and she is pregnant with their fourth child.  He was in jail recently for drunk driving, they got dangerously behind on mortgage payments because of court costs, power was shut off, she had to borrow money for food.  It is what it is. 

He gets violent when he drinks.  He promises to quit, and does  for a little bit.  He is what he is.

She hasn’t been able to work since a stillbirth 3 years ago.  She depends on his income through pregnancy after pregnancy, miscarriage or live birth, and barely leaves the house anymore.  She is what she is.

Her oldest daughter, from a previous marriage (a drug addict and abuser) is 12.  She is forming her future self by watching her mother; everything that she will be, the relationships that she will have, the life that she will lead.  What will she be?  Right now, she is beautiful and witty, affectionate and bright.  How long will she stay what she is right now? 

My friend adopted the phrase, she says, to help her cope… to remind herself that there were things that couldn’t be changed but must be dealt with.  Then she proceeded to apply it to every aspect of her life, even for the things that could be changed.  She allowed grief to overwhelm her.  She chose to not deal with the hard things in life; work, loss, living.  She lost the strength that I loved her for having; more than I thought that I could ever have when we first met 12 years ago.  She became a different person.  She gave up.

I find this same fatalism in others, too.  Why change things?  This is the way they are.  But, really… does that mean that they have to stay that way?  Does admitting that some things cannot be changed but must be dealt with mean that we give up hope for everything? 

The name of my friend’s 1 year old daughter is Marley, and I cannot help but think of Marley’s ghost from Dicken’s Christmas Carol, wrapped in the chains he forged himself.  My friend’s daughters will have chains not of their own forging but simply because they were born women in this world.  They will have chains from their mother and her husband.  Will they wear them or shed them?  Only time will tell.

I spend time with them, especially the oldest.  We talk about her dreams, books, and movies, and she likes the way I dress.  I talk to her of college, and opportunities she will have, and science, and other countries.  I tell her of human rights, and the importance of speaking out against injustice, and of her right to be heard.  I am a role model, somehow, but is it enough? 

It is what it is, I guess, and only time will tell what it will be.

blog 9- Priorities

I believe that a nation is as strong as its people are allowed to be.  Because of this, I see two priorities in funding.  These priorities are quality educational access and access to health care.

What I do not see as a priority is continuing to give money to corporations and millionaires.

I am tired of watching commercials paid for by insurance companies (costs that are passed on to the consumer) about how bad health care changes will be for us.  I am tired of republican stonewalling and democrats kowtowing in the legislature, both parties getting free health care.  I am tired of a war that doesn’t end which is fought by soldiers who are undereducated; men and women who see the military as a chance for a life outside of poverty.

My son has classmates who cannot read.  He is in the second grade.  75% of the students at his school get lunch and textbook assistance.  Most have parents who work, but cannot make enough money to ever have hope of getting ahead.  Many, like my son, come from single parent households.  Some are homeless.  Some of them will grow to be soldiers.  It is not likely that any of them will ever be corporate CEOs. 

We have the opportunity to create a better country, a better world… and yet, we don’t take it.  Single payer health care would help level the playing field, create more jobs, generate more taxable income, generate more taxes that would go back into the community.  This money would improve our schools, who do the best they can with ever-dwindling resources.  Second graders would know how to read, would have enough to eat, would grow up with hope. 

It is so easy, but yet… so many people aren’t willing to see it.  So many in this country can’t see beyond their own pocketbooks, especially those with deep ones.  How can we convince them?

I don’t know how to do it.  I don’t know how to convince people that our society is in the business of producing oppression.  I don’t know how to convince people that the phenomenal wealth in our country will never be ours if we don’t take control over our country; that the dream isn’t real.  We see the gap increasing between the few haves and the many have-nots, we see the wealthy in congress pass laws that keep the wealth within its circle, and takes more opportunities and monies away from others.  We see working people losing their homes while bank execs get payouts, and we still do not say “this is wrong.” 

Our future leaders will not be children from my son’s school.  Our future leaders will be the children of CEOs and congresspeople.  They will have had health insurance and medicine their entire childhood and will have gone to private schools.  They will not know what it is like to have free school lunch as the only meal that they get in a day.  They will not know what it is like to sleep in a car.  They will not know what it is like to live in a war zone.

They will not want to change anything, either.

Blog 8– Sex work vs. “menial” labor

One of this week’s online readings, the photo layout on Jezebel.com, led me to another article on the site. This article, “When did Sex Work Become Less Stigmatizing than Menial Labor?” discusses women who, after being unable to find employment in white collar jobs, which they had training for, went into sex work instead of considering blue collar jobs or menial labor.

I find this very interesting. I was raised on a farm, my father worked in a factory and my mother is a nurse. They promoted a sense of pride in work that “got your hands dirty.” There was no shame in doing any kind of work that needed done, especially if it paid the bills. I have worked in gas stations, restaurants, jobs that required digging in the dirt, and more. Sometimes I miss having a job where I actually feel like I have accomplished something, even if all I have accomplished is stacking crates and cans of oil.

I would never consider working in the sex industry unless I had absolutely no other choice; and I have always had other choices. I have also thought of people who work in the sex industry as people who had no other choice, based on my own thoughts on the subject. The idea that middle class women find sex work less demeaning than menial labor is intriguing to me, and I wonder where this comes from. A woman is certainly free to enter the sex trade if she is able and informed and not coerced. I’ve thought about why women might enter the sex trade, and most of my rationale has involved issues of abuse and oppression.  I’ve been secure in the knowledge that the sex trade comes from systems of oppression, class issues, and more.  I’ve been wrong in some ways, it seems.

Of course, much of the sex industry thrives on the existence of oppression and imbalances in power, but I have never thought that prostitution might seem less shameful than working at McDonalds.  I have thought of money… and that it is a shame that many women can only make enough to support themselves and their families through the sex trade.  This article revealed to me that it isn’t always the money, but the work itself that is often a motivating factor.

I think that our perception on sex, and sexuality, is changing.  I believe that everyone should enjoy healthy sexual expression, and that changing perceptions of sex in our society make this possible. How do we decide, though, when it is healthy sexual expression or the result of existing systems of oppression?  With all the risks involved in sex work, how did it become more acceptable than work that is considered menial or only appropriate for the lower class?  Where did this come from? 

I will continue to think on this.

Blog 7: Shame, Shame

I ran across this article today, and I was horrified.  The article details a 2 1/2 hour gang rape that occurred at a high school homecoming dance.  At least 15 people watched and participated in the brutal assault on a fifteen year old girl and no one called for help.  Word spread through the dance, people went out to watch, and no one called for help.  This makes me sick, and very, very sad.  I understand that when people are a part of a mob, their thoughts and perceptions can change.  I understand that humans, as a collective species, can give in to herding behaviors.  I do not understand how so many people can stand around and watch a classmate get brutalized for 2 1/2 hours without being concerned.  Do these kids have no simple human compassion or decency?  Where was the adult supervision, for this to continue for so long right outside the school? 

Two things from the article stand out.  First, the police are looking at social networking sites in case someone releases video footage.  The idea is that most of today’s youth have little awareness of privacy and are happy to post personal information and videos with little regard to consequences.  If someone were to release video footage, taken with a cell phone or other device, the perpetrators and witnesses would be identifiable, beyond suspects already in custody.  In my mind, witnesses should also be prosecuted.

Second, the article mentions that ”She ended up with those guys under her own will because she knew one of the boys who had gone to the high school before,” (investigating officer Lt. Mark) Gagan said. “Right now, we’re looking at toxicology reports to determine her blood-alcohol content and to determine if she was drugged.”  This to me looks like the beginning of blame.  Lt. Gagan describes the attack as brutal, and seems genuinely interested in catching and prosecuting the perpetrators, but if it was her own fault… well, we know where this goes.  Yet, just because she may have chosen to step outside the dance with a few boys she knew, she may have chosen to drink or whatever, does not meant that they had the right to commit such horrible acts upon her.  It is important to remember this: that no matter what her choices were preceding the event, she is still a victim.

I cannot imagine what it must be like at the high school today.  I cannot imagine being a teenage girl sitting in a classroom that is potentially full of boys who stood around watching this happen to a classmate.  I cannot imagine the fear that would go along with that, as well as the loss of trust and security.

Someone from the area called the police after they “overheard people at the assault scene “reminiscing about the incident,” Gagan said.  Thankfully someone called; she was found in critical condition.

I hope that those who didn’t call see no end of shame.  I hope that they recognize their compliance and their guilt.

Blog 4

A child molester has been arrested.  Not just any child molester, either, but one who fled the country after his conviction.  Roman Polanski was finally arrested, 32 years after he drugged a 13 year old girl and had sex with her. 

I have never understood why he was allowed to go free for so long.

Now, I do not understand why people are unhappy with his arrest.  What other convicted child molester would be allowed to go free after conviction, to live in France, to vacation in Switzerland, to continue to make films (and win awards for them)?  Admittedly, a shameful amount of child molesters go free… but they are not as famous, nor are they convicted.  The fact that he was allowed to be free for so long has long made the statement that if you are wealthy, or a celebrity, then you can get away with anything. 

News articles mention his wife’s murder at the hands of the Manson family as part of a “look how much he’s suffered already” campaign.  Sympathy does not justify sex crimes.  The sympathy generating machines also wants us to feel bad that he hasn’t been able to make movies in Hollywood.  He was still able to make movies, though, so this means nothing to me, and it shouldn’t make a difference to anyone.  The same news articles mention that the victim received a legal settlement and just wants to put this all behind her in the same sentence, promoting the idea that cash cures everything, and minimizing the victim’s experience. 

If Polanski is freed, the message to the world is that conviction for child molesting does not matter.  Drugging and raping thirteen year old girls does not matter. 

On the other hand, if he is extradited and serves his sentence, the message is a powerful one.  It is a message that says “there are no excuses, there are no time limits, there are no get-out-of-jail-free cards for celebrities who molest children.” 

This message is important.

Blog 3

Recently, a friend sent me an interview with the gentleman who proposed a bill to ban divorce in California.  I think it is brilliant.  It is a direct response to last year’s Prop 8, in which Californians overturned the Supreme Court’s decision to allow marriage between same sex couples.  John Marcotte, the petitioner, has proposed a ballot initiative that allows voters to bypass the state legislationand vote yes or no to restore traditional marriage and ban divorce.

This is an interesting way to address both hypocrisy and encourage people to think about their rights and privileges in a state where the divorce rate is calculated as high as 75%.  John states in the interview that, like the voters who opposed same sex marriage, it is not about taking rights away.  Instead, it is simply about protecting marriage.  He uses much of the language of Prop 8.  People will either have to support Prop 10 to ban divorce, or admit that they are hypocrites who are not actually interested in protecting traditional marriage. 

Marriage is an agreement with the state, which is why state legislation governs it.  Most major religions promote it as a sacred union between a man, a woman, and God, but it is about one person saying that they will support another person for life.  It is, traditionally, about creating dependency and ownership, one person above another.  A contract is signed, which is filed with the government.  Tax benefits are granted for signing that contract.  If things do not work out, that contract can be dissolved in a court of law.  How can that be possible, if it is a sacred union involving God?  Yet, the sacred union argument is the one that is used most against same sex marriage. 

Most people do not think of the ability to get married as a privilege.  They also do not think of divorce as a privilege.  Prop 10 demands that this thinking change.

an addendum

I think this movie will be very powerful, and important to watch and discuss!

Blog 2– a little global empowerment

I have been letting the health care issue frustrate me.  I had planned on talking about the breast cancer commercial against health care reform and how angry it made me when I saw it.  I had planned on what would have probably been a long diatribe on the withholding of basic medical care as a tool of oppression.  Then I came across this:

and I was reminded that anger and righteous indignation, even if justified, doesn’t address many of the problems that we face today.  What can we do to address these things?  We can educate to empower. 

Why is this important to me?  Because it is easy to be angry.  It is easy to let our anger overwhelm us into a feeling of powerlessness.  Anger can be a motivator for great social change… but only after we let it go.  We do not think clearly when we are angry. 

As I reflect on my anger at the lies being told to the public, I realize that I am angry at the wrong people.  Politics and media are both about rhetoric and manipulation; it shouldn’t surprise me that they are targeting women with what they think we fear most.  We do fear breast cancer, and we fear it for many reasons.  I think it is the reasons that we fear it that I should be angry about. 

For example: Breast cancer generally develops for 10 years before it is detectable.  With the amazing advances in medicine that we have experienced over the last decade, why have we not developed a way to detect it sooner?  Early detection is the key to survival… we need to actively work to find it sooner!

Surgical treatments are painful, physically disfiguring, and often excessive.  Scarring can cause complications with musculature and lymphatic flow.  The removal of lymph vessals compromises the immune system.  If we can create a “robot doctor” why can’t we figure out how to remove cancer from the breast without destroying a woman’s physical and emotional health?

Without insurance, a mammogram costs $600 and up.  A woman needs at least two with a period of time between them in order to detect changes in breast structure.  Women without insurance simply cannot afford this.  There are some assistance  programs in place, but many people do not know about them or do not have access to them.  This is simply unacceptable!  If a woman without insurance finds a lump during a self-exam, she is not likely to call her doctor (if she even has one) right away for two reasons: (1) she cannot afford the diagnostics, and (2) a diagnosis may exclude her from the possibility of becoming insured in the future.  Mammograms and breast ultrasounds need to be affordable and easily accessible to every single woman. 

The media comes out with reports that self-exams and mammograms are not always reliable, so many women stop doing them.  These are still the best tools that we have for early detection. 

Most women are not taught to do self-exams properly.  Women are discouraged from touching their breasts so they do not know what they really feel like.  If a woman does not know how her breasts feel, she cannot tell when they change.  Women have to be educated and encouraged to feel their breasts regularly.

Young women are encouraged to believe that they do not need to worry about breast cancer until they are older.  Facts say otherwise.  Men aren’t told that they can also have breast cancer.

There is a lot to be angry about when it comes to breast cancer.  Putting the anger aside, I have to ask what I can do to change things.  What can I do to educate people?  How can I make sure that information is easily accessible to everyone, everywhere?  What can we, as a community, do?

I will have to think on this, and I hope that you do as well.

Blog 1

Welcome to my WOST 210 Blog!  My blog title is from a quote by the Pythagorean philosopher Theana, who said that “a woman who has no tendency to blush is formidable in battle.”  I’m looking forward to a good semester with no tendency to blush.  Why is this important?  Because shame has long been a means of controlling marginalized peoples.  I refuse to be marginalized because of my gender. I will not be made to feel shame for doing things that I believe are right.  I refuse to be controlled by any one save my own self.  I will not be embarrassed by any words spoken in truth.  I am a warrior, and I will not blush.